(WARNING! IF YOU ARE A FINAL FANTASY FAN, DO NOT READ THIS POST, IT MAY CAUSE YOUR INFERIOR SENSE OF JUDGEMENT OF GAME MERIT TO COLLAPSE OPPON ITSELF IN A BURST OF LOGIC!)
In order to start this review, I'm going to have to tell you a story.
It was the first month of high school, and I decided I needed a new activity. I said to myself "I'm a game and movie critic" so I went to sci-fy club! I ended up leaving and never coming back because I was the only person there not dressed in all black and wearing cat-ear dilly-boppers with purple died hair, but that's beside the point. The meat of this story is that while I was there, I mentioned that I hated final fantasy X, I was told to leave by the president of the club, so I did, jokes on him.
So I was chastised by a super nerd for not liking final fantasy X, well lucky for all of us, my brain works like an english report, so I will now state reasons and evidence for why I hated that game, and apply the problems to all gaming, because to me, FFX is the "what not to do guide" for all gaming.
I got FFX, and I was excited, I had recently finished playing Kingdom Hearts, witch is the ultimate example of game storytelling, and the main character in FFX, appeared in KH as a whinny, asshole, 10 year old.
I plugged the game in, and after watching an obnoxiously long opening sequence, I stood still for five minuets because it was never obvious that the cut-scene had ended. I was then taken through a sequence of moving my character five yards, then watching a ten minuet cut scene. Then, I was introduced to a plot so thick, you needed scuba diving gear to breach the surface. Characters were introduced with no backstory, people just started talking and interacting with them like they were introduced six hours ago, when in reality it was thirty seconds! During one of the ten minute cut scenes, your character is about to fall off a broken bridge, and some random guy catches him, and the main character exclaims this mystery guy's name and thanks him, they obviously new each other, I DIDN'T! And this is all during the time when only five percent of the time is gameplay and the rest is cut scenes, this isn't a game, It's a figgin' movie! (just so you all know, the reason I labeled this review as a movie, is because in my opinion, FF games are movies.)
Now for the real evil, Turn based combat. It's not fun. There, that's all the evidence I have, and it's good. Games are supposed to be fun, when you take one of the most important things in gaming and make it not-fun, you make the game not fun. Some people would say "Mickey! It's about strategy" Well it isn't, all you ever do in turn based combat is select attack when you aren't about to die, and eat a magic puppy intestine when you are.
So to sum it all up, FFX is a horrible game because, its more of a movie then a game, you can't tell if you need to kill the antagonist because he slept with your wife or if he stepped on your blue suede shoes, and you are about as involved in the combat as George Lucas is with making those three other Star Wars movies he promised us!
So if you are a die hard FF fan, and you read past the disclaimer at the top, I can guess that right about now, you're deciding which day of the week you want to set my house on fire, and I can't blame you. I just ripped apart a game that thousands of people would fight to protect. So hate me for it. But no matter how bad it gets, I can still say I was right about Obama, he said the troops would be out in six months, and two years later, we're still in the middle east, just like I said we would be.
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